Where are you tonight?

Rampant static distorts and controls, but it fades eventually... and I'm left with a chance. To focus passion into a blade, a scythe to clear away the overgrowth. The bare me is nowhere near as idealistic or hopeful as the carapace that covers all that is me. I know how pathetic I am... It's not something I ignore. I know that I can't expect anyone to understand or to care, because it's only hominid to live from the inside out.

But I won't give up and I won't lose out. If I'm going to fail, I will burn out in the most dazzling, excruciating and incandescent explosion. I will reach until my arms fall off, even as I seem to do things that make my spirit bleed profusely. I know what depletion is, real depletion... and I am hounded by the back of my mind. A voice inside me says that nothing is as it seems, blaring loudly as a deep cynicism.

I shove it back, stuff it down and wait. The thing I want the most is the thing that I keep telling myself I can't have... but I would give anything if I was sure that there was the same feeling coming back to me. It's flustering me completely and I can never get the words out. Those three words that have so much meaning behind them, they scare me until I'm mute.