Divided, I'm withering away...
The energy of a dream pools deeply within my mind, in a place that I can't reach. I can cradle it, focus on it to calm myself, but the ascension from a dream to a memory is monumental. It has become my charge, my calling. I have a childlike ignorance regarding the structured system of daily life. I was reluctantly pulled into it, and I was enveloped by it. Playing right over my eyes like a sedative.
So I feel as if I must do what I can to achieve my aspiration. Beyond the bounds of what's sensible, to a limit that I would be seen as lacking foresight.
It isn't that I don't know how it will turn out, but I know that I must do this now, in the present. I can't keep wasting time.
When I want something bad enough to sacrifice anything for it... doesn't that say something? Anyone can question my morals, my judgement, my lifestyle. But when I want something that bad, it speaks of a desire so deep that it transcends all this tangible, palpable nonsense.
It has enough force to direct my life, which is so conflicting to my belief that I am not someone anyone should have to put up with.
"A person who is concealed in this way, who from instinct uses speaking for silence and keeping quiet and who is tireless in avoiding communication, wants and demands that, instead of him, a mask of him wanders around in the hearts and heads of his friends. And suppose he did not want that mask: one day his eyes would open to the fact that nonetheless there is a mask of him there and that that's a good thing. Every profound mind needs a mask; even more, around every profound mind a mask is continuously growing, thanks to the constant falseness, that is, the shallow interpretation of every word, every step, every sign of life he gives."
--Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil"
I read this today. It hit me with something from a new angle, I guess, and I felt like I could relate to it. Every time I pull someone in, I lose them. There's such a large gap in our understandings of one another, and it usually lacks effort. More often than not, it's someone else losing interest in me. I'm not an interesting person, There is nothing here to cause someone to look for more than a few seconds. I don't think there's much to cause anyone to look me in the eyes, with true understanding; I'm a pain, a nuisance. I've always been a bother, imposing something that means nothing to another person.
So I feel as if I must do what I can to achieve my aspiration. Beyond the bounds of what's sensible, to a limit that I would be seen as lacking foresight.
It isn't that I don't know how it will turn out, but I know that I must do this now, in the present. I can't keep wasting time.
When I want something bad enough to sacrifice anything for it... doesn't that say something? Anyone can question my morals, my judgement, my lifestyle. But when I want something that bad, it speaks of a desire so deep that it transcends all this tangible, palpable nonsense.
It has enough force to direct my life, which is so conflicting to my belief that I am not someone anyone should have to put up with.
"A person who is concealed in this way, who from instinct uses speaking for silence and keeping quiet and who is tireless in avoiding communication, wants and demands that, instead of him, a mask of him wanders around in the hearts and heads of his friends. And suppose he did not want that mask: one day his eyes would open to the fact that nonetheless there is a mask of him there and that that's a good thing. Every profound mind needs a mask; even more, around every profound mind a mask is continuously growing, thanks to the constant falseness, that is, the shallow interpretation of every word, every step, every sign of life he gives."
--Nietzsche, "Beyond Good and Evil"
I read this today. It hit me with something from a new angle, I guess, and I felt like I could relate to it. Every time I pull someone in, I lose them. There's such a large gap in our understandings of one another, and it usually lacks effort. More often than not, it's someone else losing interest in me. I'm not an interesting person, There is nothing here to cause someone to look for more than a few seconds. I don't think there's much to cause anyone to look me in the eyes, with true understanding; I'm a pain, a nuisance. I've always been a bother, imposing something that means nothing to another person.
posted by Anonymous at 9:08 PM
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