Pure as we begin...

As my mind is caught up in all these useless things, reality starts to crumble.

My thoughts are always somewhere else. I can't even find the decency to be there for someone. I get distracted, I temporarily forfeit the ability to reason. And what's left? The ruins of something that wasn't my intention in the first place? A plan led astray by its creator?

How am I so weak? I watch others do what I cannot... with such ease. It burns me, scorching my self-worth. Everything can change, but it can't be silenced. The desire to be something greater... Overshadowed by my failure to get there.

Every time I've been the cause of destruction, the sole failure in a long line of opportunities. I just don't have the ability. But to say this makes it sound like I'm shirking the burden to an imaginary scapegoat. I feel like an excuse, like the people who have been close to me were nothing more than bound by a chain of pity. And, thinking back... I can usually see it being true. It's more than a feeling, it's the story of so many events; An accumulating stormcloud... boiling, wrathful.

I could never get anyone to believe in me that deeply, to find the me behind all the weather. I hope he's still there....