High as a wave, but I'll rise up on the ground...
When I'm presented the results of my ideals, It disheartens me. When I'm confronted by them, I don't know what to say. I have no backbone to defend what I hold sacred, because it just looks selfish to others.
Maybe I am a horrible person. People tell me I'm selfish, unthinking, introverted, stupid, foolish and embarrassing. I'd like to think it's because they don't read me correctly, but maybe I am just a failure.
Conviction, faith, inspiration... these things don't mean shit. It's only about results. Aren't we taught that Jesus Christ was a simple carpenter, a beggar by many people's standards? As if living in poverty is righteous in it's own sense. But I think it also brings up that you can't do anything that won't be taken advantage of in some way. He was supposedly the son of God, yet his message was only contrived and reconfigured until it appeased people who are parasites, predators; people who have no sense of empathy.
The entire idea of Christianity, a faith that constructed guidelines of good nature, sacrifice and martyrdom. So many believe in it, yet it's just a manifestation of human instinct. To manipulate, to control and impose... And it's taken like the purest water.
I see everything in that skewed frame, and it makes me feel like the only life for me will be a slow death with visions of grandeur to keep my feet moving forward, dying of thirst in the parched desert of humanity.
It's that tumultuous spiral and the feeling of infecting everything you touch that keep me lying on the ground.
After I move beyond what I idealize, the place and state of mind that I aim for, I'm smacked in the face by how gritty and unassuming the world really is. It just isn't possible to get what I want, because there will always be something to hold me back. I want to drop the leash and run far away from here...
I want to separate every part of myself from the psyche that rules over my life.
Maybe I am a horrible person. People tell me I'm selfish, unthinking, introverted, stupid, foolish and embarrassing. I'd like to think it's because they don't read me correctly, but maybe I am just a failure.
Conviction, faith, inspiration... these things don't mean shit. It's only about results. Aren't we taught that Jesus Christ was a simple carpenter, a beggar by many people's standards? As if living in poverty is righteous in it's own sense. But I think it also brings up that you can't do anything that won't be taken advantage of in some way. He was supposedly the son of God, yet his message was only contrived and reconfigured until it appeased people who are parasites, predators; people who have no sense of empathy.
The entire idea of Christianity, a faith that constructed guidelines of good nature, sacrifice and martyrdom. So many believe in it, yet it's just a manifestation of human instinct. To manipulate, to control and impose... And it's taken like the purest water.
I see everything in that skewed frame, and it makes me feel like the only life for me will be a slow death with visions of grandeur to keep my feet moving forward, dying of thirst in the parched desert of humanity.
It's that tumultuous spiral and the feeling of infecting everything you touch that keep me lying on the ground.
After I move beyond what I idealize, the place and state of mind that I aim for, I'm smacked in the face by how gritty and unassuming the world really is. It just isn't possible to get what I want, because there will always be something to hold me back. I want to drop the leash and run far away from here...
I want to separate every part of myself from the psyche that rules over my life.
posted by Anonymous at 7:40 PM
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