This is where it falls apart...
It makes me so frustrated. I want to tear down everything around me, collapse the wicked grins and the ignorant smiles alike. The falseness of everything that exists now... the falseness of popular culture. Society flocks to it like a guiding hand, but it destroys innovation and creativity. It removes originality and sentience, replacing them with programmed patterns. It reduces us to machines.
The construct can't be destroyed, but it can be rewired. Why do so many people not open their fucking eyes, take a deep breath, and recalculate their lives? I can't avoid doing it every day. Is this just my manic self, or a cry for change?
Nearly every piece of truth in my life is tained by a different lie. So subtle and unassuming, but because of its presence, I have to reject the entire package. I can't believe in anything built on lies.
The only real truth, the only angle of vision that bathes me in veracity, is a girl I can't stop thinking about and can't seem to communicate with. I can never find the words when it matters, I can only spin meaningless throwrugs, designed introspectively. I become enraged when I think about how everyone can live their lives, never thinking about things so obvious, because... they don't really care. Am I an idiot for needing pure volition?
In the end, I'll fade out slowly, painfully so. It sucks. I won't change a single thing, because life is a maze I'm forever trapped in. I miss all of the pure sensations, the warmth of those feelings... Everything's been so twisted for so long, I can't really see what I used to. It's either an illusion that stabs me from the dark, or something I destroy through my own God-given selfishness.
There was a day I tripped for somewhere around 10 hours, off of 2ci. It's very hallucinogenic, but in a strange, organic way... It's hard to explain. But your emotions soar, they peak, and they fall. At the end, I'm always left feeling empty in a profound way... in a way that says more than "empty". On a philosophical level, on an emotional level... I'm always left feeling empty.
All the words in the world couldn't matter on that same level. It doesn't matter how angry I ever become at other people, how sad or forlorn I feel towards loss. When all the superficialities boil away, I'm left just as empty as I started. The only thing that changes is my depth of self-loathing. If I had the power to tear it all down and rebuild with purity in mind...
I don't think drugs have taught me anything, and at the same time... I've learned more than I wanted to know. It opens things... dark trenches within the mind. I can smell the taint of my own thoughts, and it intoxicates me with a never-ending loop of subtle insanity. But I always make the same mistakes. I always trust the wrong people, because they are the only ones to trust. I'm always put in the same position, being everything that I hate about myself. It doesn't matter what I think, how I blossom in a field filled with apathy.
Will my life forever be orchestrated by the soulless, battered thing inside of me?
The construct can't be destroyed, but it can be rewired. Why do so many people not open their fucking eyes, take a deep breath, and recalculate their lives? I can't avoid doing it every day. Is this just my manic self, or a cry for change?
Nearly every piece of truth in my life is tained by a different lie. So subtle and unassuming, but because of its presence, I have to reject the entire package. I can't believe in anything built on lies.
The only real truth, the only angle of vision that bathes me in veracity, is a girl I can't stop thinking about and can't seem to communicate with. I can never find the words when it matters, I can only spin meaningless throwrugs, designed introspectively. I become enraged when I think about how everyone can live their lives, never thinking about things so obvious, because... they don't really care. Am I an idiot for needing pure volition?
In the end, I'll fade out slowly, painfully so. It sucks. I won't change a single thing, because life is a maze I'm forever trapped in. I miss all of the pure sensations, the warmth of those feelings... Everything's been so twisted for so long, I can't really see what I used to. It's either an illusion that stabs me from the dark, or something I destroy through my own God-given selfishness.
There was a day I tripped for somewhere around 10 hours, off of 2ci. It's very hallucinogenic, but in a strange, organic way... It's hard to explain. But your emotions soar, they peak, and they fall. At the end, I'm always left feeling empty in a profound way... in a way that says more than "empty". On a philosophical level, on an emotional level... I'm always left feeling empty.
All the words in the world couldn't matter on that same level. It doesn't matter how angry I ever become at other people, how sad or forlorn I feel towards loss. When all the superficialities boil away, I'm left just as empty as I started. The only thing that changes is my depth of self-loathing. If I had the power to tear it all down and rebuild with purity in mind...
I don't think drugs have taught me anything, and at the same time... I've learned more than I wanted to know. It opens things... dark trenches within the mind. I can smell the taint of my own thoughts, and it intoxicates me with a never-ending loop of subtle insanity. But I always make the same mistakes. I always trust the wrong people, because they are the only ones to trust. I'm always put in the same position, being everything that I hate about myself. It doesn't matter what I think, how I blossom in a field filled with apathy.
Will my life forever be orchestrated by the soulless, battered thing inside of me?
posted by Anonymous at 10:36 PM
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