Scared to death...

What do I do now? There isn't a key to find nor a window to climb through. I don't know how to get in...

I would sacrifice any part of my life if I knew it would bring you to me. Why is that? Why do I fight so readily? To take a full breath and release, screaming into the same void that separates my fingers from my dreams.

I'm going to take as long as I need to. I'm going to build a system that makes me work; that makes us work.

But, I can't decipher the "why?". It creeps behind me, waiting for a chance to speak. I need validation... I need to know that it's real.

I'm such a failure. I can't even grasp the things I live for. And, in doing so, I am hurting someone else.

What I fear will happen is I'll return to where I used to be. I don't want that isolation again... I can't take it. It's what probably will happen... it's what always happens. It makes me so angry with myself that I can't think straight.

...In a slow, rolling fog, a door is to be found. I don't know how long I have to search for, but that is my charge, my mission.