I'm going down...

I'm stuck in a cyclone. There is no wind, though, because there are no changes. It's always the same. Every time I get a taste of what I need, it fades again. I'm so afraid of watching this happen for the rest of my life. My thoughts are deafening; a warning to stop before I fall off into madness.

There are some situations where I know what's going to happen. I know it. It lives so deeply inside of me that I don't even try to rationalize. It's like watching a train derail: You don't need to see anything beyond the first separation. Somehow, imagining the wreckage is always less gruesome than living it.

Maybe I'm thinking too fast... but I don't have anything else to do. I've carried this with me for so long... I need to get away from here. Sometimes I'd be content to rot away in a shed, on the top of a mountain.

I had a dream a few nights ago, one of those nightmares that seems all too real. Now I can't get it out of my head, and it seems as if it's turning into reality....

I wrote this 6 or 7 years ago, but I don't have it written down anymore; it's something from the heart. Remembering it makes me smile.

"Passed along, sparkling white;
Diamond buried in the sleep.
The sleep of millions, yet of none,
When you don't know why you can't see the Sun.

Knuckles white, clenching fiercely,
Flowers red, embracing gently.
Passed alone, sparkling white,
Someone will someday love that light."