My soul mate lives in your body...
My heart's like a balloon. I can only hold the string for so long until I subconsciously let go. By the time I realize the wind's changing, it's floated out of reach. Higher and higher, until I can barely make it out in the sky, becoming a slave to the weather. I lose focus, lose myself... temporarily becoming a dead weight.
It feels normal after awhile, staying on the ground while that part of me is out of sight. I degrade into an impulse-based animal, without wondering why my hands are empty. Then, when my balloon reaches something sharp, it pops. It takes a long time to find where it landed and patch it up again.
Every time, there's only one thing that keeps my heart my own; Only one thing that keeps me from losing it forever. Every time I look to that connection, I see the most precious jewel. Somewhere inside me, I know without a doubt that it is the most beautiful thing I'll ever see.
It's really easy for someone like me to get stuck. Not in a place or a position... but it's more like being stuck inside an emotion.
For me, it's usually disappointment. The basic world is so hollow on a passionate level. Every type of beauty can be raped. The majority of people seem to live skin-deep lives, and delude themselves by thinking it's grandeur. It's a black-and-white view, because everyone has a level they can reach that's as deep as what I'm after... but nobody really tries.
I get disillusioned every time the cycle comes 'round. The world changes from a showcase of wonder to a gritty bathroom stall. Yet, in that... I realize my dream.
All I really care about is keeping that diamond connected to me, and keeping my heart tied to my hand, under control. It feels strange to come to terms with all of this so suddenly... but my soul is feeding me a message, telling me it's for real.
After so many years... there's no one I need more than her. It makes everything else seem... fake, as if this is what's always been the only truth.
To keep it simple, I need to change the way I live my life so that I can be good enough for her. As soon as I know I am...
It's kind of gay, I'm completely consumed with thoughts like this. But I feel as if it's something only I can do. I will save her. But that's not it entirely; I want to be saved.
Every moment that there's doubt about life itself, that nothing is as real as I'd hope it to be... this feels more than real. I really regret trying to keep myself separated from her, because somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I'd only be trying to do something impossible, and hurting her feelings in the process. It's like... you want something, but you feel as if you know you can't have it. After awhile it becomes repressed and almost forgotten about... almost. And now everything's surging back out, and I remember how much there is.
I've never had a relationship that felt real. Everything is about action and reaction, not understanding. It's about "when to make a move" or "what to do", not just revelling in the fact that the other person exists. To be honest, I don't talk to her that much anymore. But maybe that will change. And even if it doesn't, I will hold this purpose in my heart until I know it's possible for me to show her how wonderful it could be.
It's nice, being able to focus on something other than why I hate everything, why I feel negative about this or that. It's nice to feel something this deep within me stirring around again. It's nice to feel alive.
It feels normal after awhile, staying on the ground while that part of me is out of sight. I degrade into an impulse-based animal, without wondering why my hands are empty. Then, when my balloon reaches something sharp, it pops. It takes a long time to find where it landed and patch it up again.
Every time, there's only one thing that keeps my heart my own; Only one thing that keeps me from losing it forever. Every time I look to that connection, I see the most precious jewel. Somewhere inside me, I know without a doubt that it is the most beautiful thing I'll ever see.
It's really easy for someone like me to get stuck. Not in a place or a position... but it's more like being stuck inside an emotion.
For me, it's usually disappointment. The basic world is so hollow on a passionate level. Every type of beauty can be raped. The majority of people seem to live skin-deep lives, and delude themselves by thinking it's grandeur. It's a black-and-white view, because everyone has a level they can reach that's as deep as what I'm after... but nobody really tries.
I get disillusioned every time the cycle comes 'round. The world changes from a showcase of wonder to a gritty bathroom stall. Yet, in that... I realize my dream.
All I really care about is keeping that diamond connected to me, and keeping my heart tied to my hand, under control. It feels strange to come to terms with all of this so suddenly... but my soul is feeding me a message, telling me it's for real.
After so many years... there's no one I need more than her. It makes everything else seem... fake, as if this is what's always been the only truth.
To keep it simple, I need to change the way I live my life so that I can be good enough for her. As soon as I know I am...
It's kind of gay, I'm completely consumed with thoughts like this. But I feel as if it's something only I can do. I will save her. But that's not it entirely; I want to be saved.
Every moment that there's doubt about life itself, that nothing is as real as I'd hope it to be... this feels more than real. I really regret trying to keep myself separated from her, because somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I'd only be trying to do something impossible, and hurting her feelings in the process. It's like... you want something, but you feel as if you know you can't have it. After awhile it becomes repressed and almost forgotten about... almost. And now everything's surging back out, and I remember how much there is.
I've never had a relationship that felt real. Everything is about action and reaction, not understanding. It's about "when to make a move" or "what to do", not just revelling in the fact that the other person exists. To be honest, I don't talk to her that much anymore. But maybe that will change. And even if it doesn't, I will hold this purpose in my heart until I know it's possible for me to show her how wonderful it could be.
It's nice, being able to focus on something other than why I hate everything, why I feel negative about this or that. It's nice to feel something this deep within me stirring around again. It's nice to feel alive.
posted by Anonymous at 7:09 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home