Without fear...

On a warm day of September, I was on a pontoon boat in the middle of a lake. It was the morning I was leaving, and the sun was at that point where it's high, but not completely overhead. It reflected across placid water to make something that looked... alive. Like a sea of quicksilver.

I took a picture of it, but it wasn't the same. Seeing it in person made me feel something. I felt as if I could live the rest of my life out there. I wouldn't have a single regret. Standing there, swaying back and forth, looking at water made of steel, fluid and... alive.

The more I think about that day, the more I wish I was still able to get to that place in my mind. The purest serenity, without all these holes. I think it was the first time I had been close to someone in a way that means something. Tied together from the core of your soul. It makes life seem amazing. That rope has been cut and retied more times than I care to say. Every knot is a roadblock that I become ashamed of... in the most introverted way. Imposing callouses on newborn hands is something that people are only too willing to do. I bleed, heal and start bleeding again. Each time, my conscience grows dimmer, my hands retract more quickly, and I learn how to fight a different kind of abuse. I've become nihilistic.

There was a time that I could believe in people. We're not just animals; people have more grandiose dreams than we give each other credit for. It's too bad that the sky is gray with rules and indoctrination. I see a bluer sky; I see where I used to be.