A fine day to exit...

There is someone that, simply... makes me feel great. It's a soothing feeling I've really missed. Kindred spirits, I guess. Someone so in sync with you that it's completely natural to say nothing.

I feel bad because of how long it's been, but a part of me will always be madly in love with her. Even though I've forgotten these feelings over and over, they seem to come back stronger every time.

There are moments in the day where I'm not thinking of anything at all, and I'll remember the relationship we had. It was a long time ago; It seems the flame will always be burning.

Love is more important than anything else to me. Not having a relationship for the sake of killing loneliness, not a purely physical infatuation that is no more defined than one's libido. It's something else, something I can't explain. I feel as if I could never speak to her again for as long as I live, and I would still have very strong feelings for her. It's something that feels spiritual to me.

Ever since I started this blog up again, I've felt as if I have woken up from my base, animalistic self. I've been perpetually addicted to anything that gives me a sense of purpose, when all I've wanted is something like this.

I've loved people, I've thought I was in love, but there has always been a turning point where I realize that it was misguided and not who I really was. This... is different. This has survived so many years of isolation, when we were in no way related to each other's lives. This feeling has always been with me, and I believe that it will last for the rest of my life. It scares me that I'm not sure why.

My own insecurities have pushed me so far away from what I want. Everything has been chipping away at me, and I've been too preoccupied with it to see that what I really want is her. It's kind of hard to even try to get her though, because of so many factors... but I'd rather die than not give it my best.

I've gotta clean myself up....